Written back in March but with everything going on, it’s taken a while to finish
I am sat in Starbucks having let the cleaners in at 9am for the end of tenancy magic. I can’t say it feels normal, I have to say. Being in starbucks directly under my flat. My old flat.
I have been thinking back over the past two years; the highs and the lows. It’s been truly wonderful, but it’s the end of an era! We have moved out this weekend for T to focus on setting up his business – amazing, right? It is 100% a huge change for me, it has affected my anxiety and it’s made me sad… but, it’s actually been quite refreshing too?! Having to move from a one bed flat back to my old bedroom is a challenge – I buy too much stuff!! The whole process of clearing out has actually made a really hard task, a much easier one to cope with.
So, let’s take it back a step. About 4 months ago, we decided that we couldn’t possibly renew the lease. It would just be much too expensive when building a start up and I totally get that. Unfortunately, change that is kind of outside of my control doesn’t do me any good. That’s when it started – the difficult nights’ sleep, the seriously tired mornings at work, the mood swings (sorry T!) and the constant worry (not sure what about, but do you guys get that sometimes too?)
I tried lots of things; moving little and often to my mum’s house, seeing the girls, meeting up with old friends, and yes this all definitely helped me, but it was short bursts of happiness and once I was back in bed, my mind was racing. I was worrying about T not being there everyday and yet on a daily basis I was a bitch to live with!! God knows how he managed that 😉
Now it’s day one of being back at home and I’ve managed to continue to write this post. I haven’t felt up to write for nearly a year but today, I felt like it was the right time to get this down on paper, especially as others might have been through this too and have some tips. It will be really weird going from full independence to living with mum again, but we’ve decided that we will continue to live as we have, but also spend some time together when we want to. If I got home from work late and just fancied a bath and bed, there’s no judgement, so that’s really comforting and really lightens the pressure of change.
Since writing this first bit of my blog, shit hit the fan for us all…
We are now all in lockdown with a pretty scary pandemic going on around us. I think this will call for another blog post in itself, but having read this back today, I am actually so grateful that I am home. I actually think I might have come home anyway so my mum wasn’t here alone. So that’s a plus? Quickly settled into the house – in fact, I feel like I’ve never seen so much of my bedroom in such a short amount of time!!
I think that’s my lesson learnt. I started writing this in a sad place, just over a month ago (thinking it was the end of the world) and now look at me! With all of this change, it’s put so much into perspective for all of us and I genuinely am beginning to really become so happy. I am learning about myself on a daily basis – we all are right?! In a way, it’s the perfect time to put ourselves first – and that’s what I am doing – whilst staying at home and social distancing of course!!
I am going to get onto the blog for next week, right now! I think there’s so much to address from the past month which will be so valuable to reflect on how well we are doing as a nation, or the world for that matter!
Stay safe, stay well and stay home.
Love from, Amber x