When’s the best time to tell your partner to piss off because they’ve annoyed you? In the moment!!! (I know this is not always easy and can escalate into an argument, but stay calm and stay with me)
So many of us are guilty of letting these small (or big) niggles add up to become a much larger explosion and one that we just cannot control. I know. I’ve been there.
I used to panic that I would be dumped if I challenged him for being a complete arsehole. However, that is seriously not the case!!! I realised this after dumping him… see, tables turned!
All of the issues that I was having weren’t all about or because of him, but I was growing up and learning what it was that I needed from a man. Man being the key word… I learnt what annoyed me, what frustrated me and what I truly needed to be happy. This list is still growing and sometimes, I still find it hard to address.
I was with my ex for over 4 years from school to 21 years old. Now, throughout that time we had fun, shared memories and happiness, but I also began to realise in more depth that he wasn’t right for me and there were certain things that I just simply refused to take. This was when I started hearing my dad’s parenting in my ear to not take any shit from anyone! So I didn’t. For once, I put myself first and listened to my head albeit my heart was saying a different thing at that moment in time. I think that was just me being scared and anxious of being alone and not having anyone there to talk to or hang out with – how wrong I was!
Anyway, back to the point, this is a prime example to not let anything add up and up to become said explosion. There’s just no point?! Life is way too short to start letting things slide. NO. Be strong and only accept the best for you.
Personally, this is something I have taken as a positive from a broken relationship because it’s allowed me to grow as a person. It wasn’t easy in the moment and I did get upset at times. And, yes, I do still get anxious when it comes to telling someone that I wasn’t happy or that something they had done was frustrating, but if it’s worded correctly, they’re not criticisms, they’re feedback. That is rule 101.
By toning your voice in a calm, constructive manner and specifically sharing the feedback will reduce the possibility of misunderstandings; leading to arguments; leading to breaking up (or otherwise if it’s a different kind of relationship!). May I caveat that this is most definitely worst case scenario… By not running into this type of conversation at full pace will save a whole load of drama in the short and long term.
PLEASE NOTE: I AM NO RELATIONSHIP EXPERT BY ANY MEANS!
Part of me even believes that by feeding back in a polite manner actually opens up the door to a more honest and respectful relationship. You learn to have the respect for someone to talk to them face-to-face, rather than let it boil up, bitch about it or possibly worse. It also mitigates the chance of being walked over, which nobody wants!!!
This is your life. As cliché as it sounds, you only get one, so fucking own it!!
You got this kiddos. Love from, Amber x