Why is this clique thing back?!

Why is it that recently I have been hearing more and more about cliques of girls who are purposely being nasty or leaving other girls out? I thought we were in such a good space recently; especially with all of the powerful women out there pushing through as wonder women! However, it seems to not be the case for everyone. I’ve even sadly been victim to this recently and I genuinely don’t understand it.

There is no need to leave someone out on their own. I don’t care whether you met them 5 minutes ago or 5 times in the past. I don’t care if you don’t like them. I don’t care if you don’t see them being a friend. Be a nice person. Be that person who breaks the clique and calls that one, lonely girl into the conversation and make her feel wanted.

There’s nothing worse than being at a party with your other half, knowing barely anyone other than his boys, and there are girls around you who are close and only talking to each other. I am also not the type of person who can just walk into a group and become a part of it – I would legit panic myself into profusely sweating and melting into a puddle on the floor!! I felt so bad because I was just like a little puppy following T around to have someone to be with. Seems crazy right?! Yet, at times, I was stood there on my own not knowing anyone and seeing the girls laughing in the corner. This genuinely made me feel quite low and unwanted at the party which I am sure wasn’t the case, but surely it is not that hard to see a girl on her own and involve her?

I’ve heard it from others too and as I say, I am genuinely shocked about it. I see so many strong, inspirational women on my social media and have such valuable and true conversations with my friends where we are all for celebrating each other, our differences, our successes and our lessons learnt. If there was one thing I could teach or advise on, it would be this. You don’t know what that one person is going through and it may really impact their mental wellbeing or in fact, their confidence!

So what can we do about it? Firstly, if we are in that position, and secondly to reduce this happening in future for others.

  • If we are in that position, what can we do?
    • Have a sudden burst of confidence and head on over there?! Hmmmm…
    • Get to a position of calm and comfort – stand with the person you know, whether that’s your partner or a friend, and start meeting others through them to begin talking to people you’ve just met (hopefully this will build confidence and improve the situation for you).
    • Ask to be introduced.
    • Take 5. Go to the bathroom, sit and be present. That may clear your mind enough to not take anything too personally and you may even come across more open and approachable than you were previously portraying. I am by no means saying that by feeling anxious makes you look unapproachable but maybe people will take this as nerves or upset and stay away (personal opinion).
    • Stay with those you feel comfortable around. That group of girls aren’t  the be all and end all.
    • Leave. Say no to things if you’re uncomfortable. You don’t HAVE to do anything you don’t want to.

And, if it all gets too much, don’t just stay there out of guilt. Speak to someone and leave safely, preferably with someone, and take time for you to look after yourself and be present in the new moment of safety, comfort and home.

  • How do we reduce others feeling lonely or unwanted?
    • It’s simple isn’t it? Approach them and have a chat.
    • If you would normally find this hard, I would suggest maybe just calling them into the group because surely if you picture yourself in that situation, the courage will come to you to mingle with new people.
    • Offer them a drink – this could be a good ice breaker into a conversation. Then you’re able to ask about them and how they know the person whose party it is (always an easy first question!!).
    • Find a common ground – maybe this could be through partners?

It’s hard and it’s a horrible feeling for that one person on their own, or just feeling alone despite having loads of people around. For me, I had this last weekend and I genuinely felt like I had a good time but I knew there was something niggling at me and I have been getting worse since! I am not blaming that on anyone and I could have been expected to blend in more, but sadly I just can’t, and that’s where my social anxiety is rife.

All I can say was thank God my T was there for me and didn’t mind me stuck to his side!

Be kind to people. Love from, Amber x

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